I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
