As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
