was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
