Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
