If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
