I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
