Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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