I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
