Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
