it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
