i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
