what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
