I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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