Define "chronic" masturbator.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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