Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
