During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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