3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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