He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
