Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
