i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
