But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
