my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
