Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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