Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Vodka?
Forever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
