Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mom said you looked used
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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