I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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