yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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