so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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