20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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