her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
