oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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