you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
