don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
