Moan for me like Helen Keller
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
