i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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