ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
