I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
