38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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