I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
