i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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