I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
