like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
