420 ftw
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I AM VODKA MAN
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
