And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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