my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
