There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
