happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
