bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
