Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
