I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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