the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
