Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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