So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
