Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
